Pastor, Get GREAT Feedback By Using This Word:
Advice requires engagement: People engage more deeply when asked for advice because it requires them to understand your goals and constraints, rather than simply reacting to a specific event.
Advice is about tomorrow: Changing your questions to be "tomorrow-oriented" immediately shifts the posture of your conversations.
Feedback is retrospective.: Feedback is evaluating what has already occurred, and isn't concerned about the future.
Researchers at Wharton found something counterintuitive: people actually engage more deeply when asked for advice than when asked for feedback.
Somewhere along the way, "ask for feedback" became standard leadership advice. You'll find it in books, in mentorship conversations, and in leadership development programs. It’s decent advice - but it’s not the BEST advice.
Feedback, by definition, is oriented toward the past. The implicit question behind ‘feedback’ is: What just happened? And that question (however well-intentioned) doesn’t help you lead better tomorrow.
Ask for Advice, Not Feedback.
These two words feel interchangeable, but they’re not. Feedback is retrospective – it evaluates what already occurred. Advice is prospective – it orients toward what should happen next.
Want more from The Lead Pastor?
Sign up for a free membership to complete reading this article:
Have an account? Log In
The moment you change the word, you change the entire conversation. Ask an elder for feedback on your sermon, and they will tell you about what you just did. Ask them for advice on how to approach your next series, and they have to imagine the future with you.
One of those conversations leaves you better informed about the sermon you just preached.
The other one leaves you better equipped for the one coming up.
Why People Give Better Advice Than Feedback
Researchers at Wharton found something counterintuitive: people actually engage more deeply when asked for advice than when asked for feedback.
It seems like feedback should be easier. Feedback is reacting to something that happened. Advice requires genuine cognitive work. To give advice, I have to understand your situation, constraints, and goals. I have to project forward and ask what I would do if I were you.
When I give you advice, I become - at least a little - a stakeholder in your outcome. I want to see the next iteration. I'm curious whether what I suggested worked. Feedback is a transaction. Advice is the beginning of a partnership.
The Practical Shift
You don't need a new structure or a formal process. You need to swap a few questions:
- Instead of: "What did you think of the sermon this morning?"
- Try: "What should I do differently next time?”
- Instead of: "How do you think that board meeting went?"
- Try: "What do you think I should focus on heading into the next meeting?"
- Instead of: "Did I handle that well?"
- Try: "If you were in my position right now, how would you have handled that differently?”
Advice-shaped questions tell the other person you're not looking for a verdict; you're looking for a next step. That posture changes the conversation from the outset.
The Question To Ask:
Find someone you trust – a mentor, a staff member, a lay leader, your spouse – and ask them this before Sunday:
"Based on what you've seen lately, what do you think I should be paying more attention to in my ministry?"
Notice how it feels different to ask that. It's future-facing. It treats you as a person in motion. It assumes you can change course, grow, and try something different.
The input you receive shapes the leader you become.
Pastor, start asking ‘tomorrow questions’. The answers are better - and so is the conversation.