The Year My Ministry Collapsed (& What I Learned About Leading Alone
Financial pressure isolates good pastors. I’ve been there… and it was brutal.
In 2023, the ministry I’d poured 10 years of my life into was coming apart at the seams. The ministry wasn’t only my primary creative outlet - it also paid my family’s bills. As income dried up, stress, migraines, and mounting anxiety attacks hollowed me out.
Alone and hopeless, I prayed countless prayers, the majority of which were some variation of:
God, what is going on? This cannot be what You want for me right now.
…but it was His will.
As painful as that time was, it was for my good.
Through that difficult season, I was forced to acknowledge several unhealthy personal money habits:
- I ignored numbers and financial reports (because I was afraid to face my own shortcomings)
- I procrastinated dealing with financial management (because I felt intimidated and small)
- I minimized the strain I was under to other church leaders (because I was afraid to appear needy)
Today, I see that season with clearer eyes:
The Pressure Was WORSE Because I’d Isolated Myself.
Pastor, when you lead alone, you are vulnerable… and concealment is a fast-track to isolation. I am done with that.
I explored this in-depth in a recent interview with senior pastor Jim Gordon, a seasoned leader with over 45 years of experience.
Here’s what I wish I’d known before the storm hit:
- Share the financial load. Jesus wasn’t a lone wolf… since when should WE lead that way?
- Lead from peace, not panic. Desperation destroys discernment.
- Build connections with peers. You’ll need safe voices when crisis comes. You may need to look outside your church.
2023 broke me… so God could build me, and today, I’m grateful. Pastor: you’re not hopeless. You’re not alone. And you’re not done. Let's fight for health together.
In Christ, Who is our Life,
Joshua Gordon
Senior Editor | The Lead Pastor
Pastor | NewLifeKw.ca
