Church Systems Failed Me (Jesus Did Not)
When I turned my back on church leadership in my early twenties, it wasn’t because I stopped believing in Jesus.
It was because I saw what careless leadership, broken systems, and managerial dysfunction could do to people. Especially young leaders like me.
I grew up in a ministry family. My grandfather started the church I was raised in, and my dad became the senior pastor when I was 14. Everyone said I’d carry on the pastoral tradition, and sure enough, after high school, I went to Bible college and began an internship. And then the wheels began to fall off.
For the next 3 years, I learned firsthand just how unsafe church leadership could be:
- I interned under a toxic pastor in a dysfunctional church
- Three pastoral mentors ghosted me
- My first paid ministry position was cut from the budget
- A powerful church member led a public smear campaign against my dad
My self-confidence cratered.
I was angry and bitter. I told God I would never work for or serve in a church again.
Now, years later, I’m part of a pastoral team at a church I love.
I’m a lay pastor at New Life Fellowship, a growing church in Ontario, Canada. I serve alongside three other pastors, close friends whom I trust. Pastoring is challenging - but it’s deeply formative.
So what changed?
Short answer: Counseling, time, and Jesus’s faithfulness.
Longer answer: In my pain and bitterness, I had rejected the notion of church leadership - just thinking about pastoring triggered anxiety. Eventually, I started seeing a counselor. One day, he asked me a question I couldn’t shake.
Josh, what if it wasn’t ‘the church’ that hurt you? What if it was mismanagement by poorly equipped leaders?
That question changed everything.
Yes, church was the context - but dysfunction was the cause. And I wasn’t just a casualty either. I did carry responsibility: I was naïve, unprepared, and unable to spot dysfunction, let alone navigate it.
But the real problem? Most of the leaders I’d served under didn’t know how to manage. Their churches lacked sound structures, healthy systems, or any framework for sustainable leadership (things that a church-focused nonprofit consulting firm like Recentered Group or The Unstuck Group could have helped with.)
It's not surprising - no one taught us that stuff in Bible college.
- Church management matters.
- Church systems matter.
- Church structure matters.
I’ve seen what happens when good pastors get buried under bad systems.
That’s why I care so much about what we’re building at TheLeadPastor.com. I’m not here to build brands or chase platforms. I’m not selling recycled leadership theory. I’m here to support faithful, grounded pastors:
- To point you to the most effective church management tools I can find
- To create practical resources for managing your ministry
- To grow a community committed to clarity, integrity, and long-term health
I’m still healing.
It’s been hard, slow, soul-level work fueled by counseling, deep friendships, and constant Grace. Safe people, slow conversations, and a Jesus who’s never rushed me.
If you’re worn down, tired of politics, or simply looking to grow… this space is for you.
If your story sounds anything like mine, I'd love to hear it.
I’m forever grateful to the pastors who helped me heal:
- Ed Underwood, who taught me how to handle criticism
- Scott Heinen, who taught me that care is listening as much as speaking
- Frank Friedmann, who taught me to lead with faith through crisis
- Ross Gilbert, who leads our church plant and walks with me as a deeply trusted friend
And especially my dad, Jim Gordon (pastor at Elora Road Christian Fellowship) who continues to shape me in quiet, powerful ways.
Sincerely,
Joshua Gordon
Senior Editor, TheLeadPastor.com
