“Focus on the Young Lambs, Not the Old Bitter Sheep”
Prioritize Discipleship: Invest limited time in those people actively responding to grace, learning, and moving forward.
Stay Compassionate: Focusing on young lambs does not mean abandoning wounded members; pastors can care without letting resistance set priorities.
Recognize Resistance: Longstanding members may carry unresolved pain that limits change, even when meaningful spiritual renewal unfolds nearby.
The text came in while John and I were chatting. He glanced at his phone and laughed. The guy who'd sent it was a brand-new believer on his honeymoon somewhere in the American South. His new wife was with him.
"He's a new believer. He and his wife just did their morning devotions together and wanted to share what he'd been reading. Who does that on their honeymoon?"
This couple's path to the altar was messy and spontaneous... and indirectly blew up John's relationship with one of his longest-standing leaders.
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John Bennet has been the senior pastor of a small church in New York for six years. Today, that church has about 80 people and a 125-year history with (as he says) a lot of pain baked into it.
Since stepping into the role, John has been helping them work through the pain, experience grace, and discover its impact.
"He's missing the beauty!"
John told me about a young woman from the church had been coming to his house for Bible study. Her live-in boyfriend became a believer, and the two of them, convicted by the Holy Spirit, decided to get married quietly during a Florida vacation. They informed John about their plans.
After the fact, her dad, one of John's deacons, found out John had known. He didn't take it well. The relationship between him and John stretched and frayed. "The worst part", John said to me, "is that he's missing out on the beauty of what Jesus is doing in his daughter's life."
John called his mentor, who said, "Man, you've done everything you could do." Then he told John: focus on the young lambs. Not the old bitter sheep.
'Young Lambs' vs 'Old Bitter Sheep'
Some people in your congregation have been there for decades. They have opinions about how things should be done. They carry the weight of old wounds and old expectations. And sometimes, not always, they've stopped moving. They've made peace with staying where they are, stagnating in their growth, and almost nothing you do can change that.
These are the old bitter sheep.
And then there are the young lambs: they're hungry for Jesus, maybe new believers, those actively pursuing Jesus, and pushing out of their comfort zones.
Both groups exist in your church; don't give them equal energy.
This is a stewardship issue. Your time and energy aren't unlimited. Where you invest pastoral attention matters. This advice isn't permission to abandon difficult people.
Remember: caring for someone and organizing your entire ministry vision around them are two different things.
The question is where you put your building energy: who you preach toward, who you invest in developmentally, who you make plans around.
Pour that energy into the people who want to grow, and you'll have more to give everyone else.
