Key Takeaways
Relational Discipleship: Jesus discipled through close relationships, moving people from observation to guided practice and independent ministry.
Program Limits: Discipleship programs teach useful content but cannot provide personal correction, care, or transformation in daily choices.
Mission Focus: Pastors can mistake attendance and curriculum completion for discipleship while neglecting their central mission of making disciples.
Practical Start: Begin relational discipleship by choosing one or two people, scheduling regular meetings, and practicing honest Bible-centered conversations.
Leadership Test: Ask who is discipling and being discipled to reveal whether church growth depends on programs or relationships.
Introducing Ed Underwood
My co-author for this piece is Ed Underwood. Ed is a pastor, author and disciple-maker, and he founded Recentered Group to help pastors recenter their lives and churches on the two things Jesus put first: The Great Commandment, and The Great Commission
Pastor, are you personally discipling anyone right now?
Two years ago, if someone had asked me that question, I would have:
- Scrambled to respond while feeling defensive
- Pulled together a half-answer about small groups and bible studies our church runs
And, from what I’m learning as I talk to pastors week in and week out, my ‘response’ is common.
Most churches turn to programs for discipleship.
Like most of the churches I’ve worked in over my 20+ years in church leadership, discipleship meant ‘small groups’. Maybe a weekly bible study, maybe a membership class. Perhaps a series on membership or sanctification.
We hope that if people keep showing up, they'll come out the other end looking more like Jesus and acting more like a Christian should.
The discipleship statistics aren't pretty.
Barna found that only 28% of Christians are in a real discipleship relationship. Most people in our pews have no one close enough to notice when things start to slip.
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Jesus’s discipleship was highly relational.
Jesus didn't implement a discipleship program. Rather, He spent time, day in and day out, on just a few people the crowds would later follow (Mark 3:14). He demonstrated a three-step discipleship process:
- He did ministry while they watched
- They did ministry while He watched (and corrected what they got wrong)
- They did ministry on their own
A class can teach people, but it can't transform them.
Your best church program can’t do life with someone, then step in to care for them when they stumble. Your class moves at the pace of the discipleship curriculum, and people grow at their own pace. The class can hand out right answers… but right answers don’t always turn into right choices on Monday.
So why do we keep reaching for programs? Ed has watched the same pattern in church after church.
- A pastor wants to grow discipleship in their church.
- The pastor invests in a discipleship program (perhaps a small group curriculum), and taps someone to lead the effort.
- Success is measured by church growth, attendance and curriculum completion.
In this scenario, discipleship becomes something people should do while the pastor gives themselves to “more important” matters: the budget, growing the church, keeping people happy, crafting a vision statement, etc… these are important, but they are not the mission.
Remember the mission!
The Great Commission and The Great Commandment are the mission..
Discipleship programs are convenient. They let us keep all of the machinery going and still say discipleship is covered.
But there are three reasons programs can work against transformational discipleship..
- Programs reinforce control. A program is predictable. We write the curriculum, set the schedule and count who showed up. A person is messy, and the mess never ends.
- Programs have distance built in. A class lets us teach thirty people without any of them getting close enough to see how we live. Jesus let His disciples see everything.
- Programs often promote busyness. A full calendar feels like faithfulness. It also leaves no room for an hour with one person.
Most often, our church programs are a far cry from Jesus’s slow, relational discipleship
RecenteredGroup.com
Discipleship Happens in the Context of Relationship
Discipleship is building intentional, trusting, truth-telling relationships, in community, that encourage us to trust, follow and serve Christ.
- Intentional means you choose it. You decide who you'll meet with and when, and you put it on the calendar.
- Trusting means they're safe with you. They can be honest about their sin and the sin done against them without hiding anything.
- Truth-telling means you open the Bible together and say true things to each other, including the hard ones. Over time, that includes the truth about who they are in Christ.
The content of that discipleship matters, but the relationship between the two of you matters more.
What's Different for Me Today
Over the past 18 months, I've restructured my ministry efforts.
My wife and I are leading a small group of young adults. We host a lunch in our home with lots of laughter and food. We also invite that same group into our home for Bible study and conversation. Each Friday morning, I meet with a group of 3-4 young men. We read a passage of scripture, share about our life, and pray for each other.
I meet 1-on-1 with several of those young men as well.
Over time, in the relationships that form, transformation happens as Jesus does His thing. It's beautiful to be a part of!
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TO DO If You're Leading a Small Church:
- To do: This week, write down two or three people and pray for them every day. By Sunday, ask one of them to meet with you every other week for eight meetings. Put the first date on your calendar before anything else takes the slot.
- Discuss with your leaders: "When someone here wants to grow, where do we send them, to a class or to a person?"
- Pray this: "Jesus, You've been patient with me and You keep building into me. I don't have to come up with the energy for this on my own. Show me the one or two people You've already put in front of me, and let what You're doing in me spill over into them."
TO DO If You're Leading a Large Church:
- To do: At your next staff or elder meeting, go around the room and ask two questions: "Who is building into you right now?" and "Who are you building into?" Write down the answers. Then, make a shortlist of 2-3 individuals you can start praying for.
- Discuss with your leaders: "If our small groups stopped tomorrow, would anyone here still be discipled? By whom?"
- Pray this: "Lord, it's easier for me to run a program than to know a person. Thank You that You know me and stay with me. Give me the courage to do that for someone else."
